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11 Foods That Don’t Belong Anywhere Near A Super Bowl Party

cocktailAlright football/food fans, the Super Bowl is hurtling toward us once again, and you may be wondering what to serve at or bring to your Super Bowl party of choice. We used to think that Super Bowl Sunday was a day that had no rules — an all-out food free-for-all. It’s a day to celebrate excess, dip chicken wings into dip, make sandwiches out of pizza, order subs longer than your body and wash it all down with beer. But it turns out there are a few things not to bring/serve.

To keep you from humiliating yourselves, you’ll find our list of the worst Super Bowl foods imaginable below:

1.  Kale Chips: Chips are a requirement. Kale is exactly the opposite.
2. Lettuce (That Isn’t In A Dip Or On A Burger): This day is not a day for salads.
3. Canapés: Tiny, fancy foods are for other parties. This party is for big, messy, overblown foods. Smoked salmon toasts need not apply.
4. Anything With “Skinny” In The Name
5. A Fancy Cheese Plate: Pepper-jack, cheddar or swiss in cubes. THAT IS ALL.
6. Non-Alcoholic Beer: As a matter of fact, don’t ever bring this stuff to a party. It is absolutely fine to not want to drink beer or alcohol at all. But don’t drink the fake stuff. That’s not good for anyone.
7. Cocktails With More Than Two Ingredients: You already know that we’re cocktail people, but a Super Bowl party is an occasion for beer. Whiskey. Rum and Coke, if you must. Gin and tonic if it’s absolutely necessary. Mojitos? GET OUT OF HERE.
8. Fake Meat: Look, be a vegetarian, but this is the one day you can’t make the rest of us eat this stuff.
9. Adorable Cupcakes: Cupcakes decorated with footballs are passable, but not encouraged.
10. Quinoa
11. Mimosas: Have we not made it clear that this is a beer day?

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